On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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