She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
