if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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