Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
