I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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