so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
