That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
