Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
