tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
