Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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