just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
