So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
