You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
