when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
