He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
