wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
