enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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