Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
