I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
