home. puking in laundry basket.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
