its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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