I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
