I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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