I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
