11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
