apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
