i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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