Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
