dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
