I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
