My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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