I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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