She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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