thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
