Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
