butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
