Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
