Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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