it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
