I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
