put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
