I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
