dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
