Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
