I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
