guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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