Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
