i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
