the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
