R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Where is the hickey?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
